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Unsustainable.

I had a teary fit. Ever have one of those? A day where the mount seems insurmountable?

I have created an unsustainable schedule. And it’s no one’s doing but my own – the result of over-ambitious, perhaps even wishful thinking. An I-am-infallible kind of over-scheduling. And it finally got the best of me.

credit: Bruno Farias

And in my fit of tears, my words-don’t-make-any-sense gush of an explanation to my husband, who, in spite of me, just wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head…

… it all made sense to me. I just need to make it right. My clients aren’t going to be happy with me, my own disappointment is tangible.

But how do we eat an elephant?

One. bite. at. a. time.

Behind my imperfection, there is a someone who was believed in so much – by a mother who told her she could do anything, be anything, accomplish anything… by a husband who still makes her swoon and says all the right things… by children who think she hangs the moon.

Trying to do it all, be it all? Has lead to utter failure. Unsustainable.

credit: midlander1231

As an entrepreneur, I manage two small businesses.
As a photographer, I have between 2-3 shoots a week.
As a designer, I have approximately 2 new web design projects on the calendar each Monday from March until October.
As a home educator, I teach 4th grade, 3rd grade and preK/K this year.
As a mom, I take care of 3 amazing boys.
As a wife, I attempt to make my husband as happy as he makes me.
As a friend, I think they’ve abandoned me. I’ve made too many “i’m busy” excuses for them to have any faith it’ll be better next time.

And in attempting to be all those things, in dividing myself to do them all – each has suffered. I don’t promote my photography business as much as I’d like. I am 3 – 4 weeks behind my design queue. I’ve been more of a referee than teacher lately. If you all could see my laundry, I’d die of embarrassment. My cleaning lady went on maternity leave in October; I never heard back. (Oh I don’t blame her, I’d so quit this house, too!) As a wife, I’ve delegated more meals and more tasks to my husband than I care to admit. And as I mom, I’ve been saying, “Okay honey, in just a minute.” way too many times.

So, if you’re one of those people affected by my absolute inability to create a sustainable schedule. I am so sorry.

But I did it. I wrote to my clients, humbly asking for understanding. Our summer break starts soon with school. A welcome break for students and teacher alike. I’m going to take a week of from shoots to catch up with the editing. I want to say “yes” more to my boys, and “no” more to projects that take up disproportionate amounts of time. I want to be a better friend.

As for the laundry? I will resist the urge to donate it all to The Goodwill. Not making any promises, though.

To my husband – I love you so much sometimes I think I might implode from how lucky I am to have you. Thanks for loving me in spite of me.

To everyone else – I’m sorry.

ps – No elephants were harmed in the making of this post.

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Comments

  1. You, my dear, are in ‘good company’! I’m so sorry for your struggle and feel you pain, as well as your *relief*. Being a recipient of your many good works – I hope and pray you find rest and peace in this season.

  2. I am so grateful for each of you – for sharing your owns struggle to find balance or for supporting mine. I have taken some positive steps to coming out from under my over-commitments. Just waving the white flag is such a relief.

    I appreciate you all. This has been a wonderful lesson… not an easy one… but an important one. These comments – each one – make my heart smile.

    Thank you.

  3. My family and friends are much more understanding of me than I am of myself. My own expectations can be unrealistic at times and then I am disappointed. You are a very talented and gifted woman, Darcy! Balance and seasons… I don’t think I have it all figured out yet either. Trial and error, I suppose. What a blessing to have a family that is there for you through thick and thin, normal and insane! :)

    Love you, dear Darcy!
    .-= Marsha´s last blog ..Sweet Shot: hydrangeas and life =-.

  4. You are awesome!! :o) There isn’t a teacher in the world who isn’t anxiously waiting for the respite of summer break-me included!

  5. (Nodding with understanding and empathy). Miss Darcy, you are wise to wave the white flag and take a moment to evaluate your current workload and redefine your priorities. Finding balance is veXing ~ particularly when you wear so many hats! I see much wisdom in the comments here, so won’t reiterate, eXcept to add a thought: do feel proud of this lovely community of readers (friends) whom obviously care deeply and strongly identify with what you’ve eXpressed.

    Hugs from one who gets it,
    diXymiss
    .-= diXymiss´s last blog ..Granola 101 =-.

  6. oh darcy, you are really such a truly amazing woman! don’t beat yourself over all of this and i definitely it will be great to take a break and take some time to prioritize! i feel the same way as you, juggling work, blogging, commenting on other’s blogs, creating blog content, keeping my husband happy, keeping up with my friend’s lives, and basically just keeping the house clean! it’s been really hard and i always take on more than i can really handle! i think it’s great to be ambitious though, better than the opposite! =) hang in there sweetie!!

  7. You had the nerve to write and admit what I’ve needed to for a long time. A month ago I had a big heart-to-heart conversation with a lady who approached me at a homeschool conference. I spilled my guts about some things I need to deal with or let go, but it’s so hard. Sometimes I worry too much about disappointing people and their expectations and not enough about what works best for me and my family.
    .-= Dawn Camp´s last blog ..Straight No Chaser “With a Twist” CD Review and Giveaway =-.

  8. You stinker…everyone goes through these seasons and you know what? We ALL understand where you’re at! Don’t let that elephant eat you…it’s okay to say no…we’ll still be here!

    XOXO!
    .-= the BLAH BLAH BLAHger´s last blog ..WHY DO YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU BELIEVE? =-.

  9. Love you. That is all.
    .-= Emily@remodelingthislife´s last blog ..Cottage Dreaming =-.

  10. Darcy, What a beautiful post… the photos and the words. Thank you for saying so eloquently what most of us are thinking and struggling with:)
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Road Trip Summer~ Crater Lake =-.

  11. Oh Darcy,
    Honey – we all just love you. If you told me it would be next year, I’d still be over the moon to work with you again. Remember, your family comes first! All of the other, well… it’s just extra. I’m typing that little reminder to myself just as much as I am typing it to you!

    Take care friend and take time for yourself. And remember… we love you!
    .-= Robyn´s last blog ..A Race Well Run =-.

  12. I think I could’ve written this post word for word.

    I run 2 small businesses, jewelry and photography. Fortunately I’ve been able to hire help for my jewelry business and it’s been a lifesaver!
    I think my friends have deserted me.
    I’m drowning in emails.
    We’re in the middle of remodeling a house and moving.
    I try to do too many things for too many people and it’s just not working.

    Today was my meltdown. It was bound to happen.
    .-= Beki – TheRustedChain´s last blog ..Six and Six. =-.

  13. Darcy,
    Sorry your feeling overwhelmed, it is very easy to get caught up in trying to “do it all.” Notice how I have not responded to your last e-mail to get together – I was feeling overwhelmed like you and never got around to responding. I decided I was taking June to catch up on things, so I am doing very little to promote my photography right now. I will e-mail you to get a date on the calendar.

  14. CAN. SO. RELATE. This was my day yesterday – and I don’t have a design or photography business, and I don’t homeschool. But I am taking college classes online and have 2 girls under age 5. My husband works loooooong days – and instead of being Supermom – I was a Super Mess yesterday. Even sat down with scheduling in hand to try to “figure” it out.

    This morning, I find I am having to take my schedule to my Heavenly father and ask Him to fix what I’ve broken – and take care of what I’ve forgotten. I SO want to be a “yes” mom, and stop saying “give me just a minute” all the time. Supermom is unsustainable… Thanks for reminding me.
    .-= Debbie´s last blog ..Lord, I’m Amazed By You! =-.

  15. Hannah is right – this topic is exploding across the blogs. I think God is moving to remind women that superwoman is a myth. Thank you for being one of those real voices.

    Marcelle, I want to move to South Africa:)
    .-= Kelly@Tabithas-Team´s last blog ..Beginnings – Tabitha’s Team Turns 1 =-.

  16. Oh, Darcy, bless your heart! I know we are all struggling with this balance thing & your post was just precious. I know you will figure it all out. I honestly don’t know how you mom-entrepreneurs do it all. I struggle & I have no kids!

    You are an awesome designer & that’s why we were all standing in line, waiting for you. I’m SO grateful that blog design by Darcy the blog whisperer, is already finished (said with relief…wheeewwww). Hang in there and you’ll get that schedule whipped into shape and I promise I will try not to bother you with emails. :)

  17. Hey girl, thanks for keeping it real

  18. Amen sister! I appreciate your honesty here SO much! Not just for me, but for all the women out there who have been lied to all their lives and told that they could be all things…do all things. It just. isn’t. possible. Oh, we can do it…but can we do it well? And of all the things that suffer in the trying those tiny faces are what haunt me the most. Good confession friend. Hear, hear!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Darcy wrote a nearly poetic explanation of everything that I have been feeling. She calls it: Unsustainable. [...]

  2. [...] photos in between.” That was a hard blow to take. Then came my best friend Darcy’s post Unsustainable. Both of us were experiencing the same thing and here I thought that I couldn’t tell her I [...]

  3. [...] Darcy wrote a nearly poetic explanation of everything that I have been feeling. She calls it: Unsustainable. [...]